Being Thankful

As I sit in my living room while my turkey is in the oven, I can't help to think of my babies sleeping in their beds, my friends and family from back home, my friends and family here, and all the wonderful people that are getting up early to cook food for the needy. I have so much to be thankful for this year.

• My life........... we had a scare earlier this year.
• My wonderful husband.
• My new little baby........... almost 8 months old.
• All my beautiful children- still sleeping in their beds.
• My in-laws who are always there when we need them.
• The chance to go back to school.
• That I have a roof over my head.
• That I have food to cook for my children- even though they eat us out of house and home.
• And finally............ I am thankful for a God that allows for me to live the life that I do!!

I pray that everyone who is on the roads today are safe and drive carefully. God Bless your Family and have a Great Thanksgiving!!

Fully Loaded Baked Potato Soup- Beware: Addictive

I came up with this soup because my normal recipe did not have any meat in it and lets face it, on a cold day you want some meat in your soup too!!

Prep Time and Cooking Time: 1 hour
Remember that while you start to cook you can prep too. Or you can prep before you cook!!

Ingredients:
1 lbs of lean beef stew meat
4 pieces of cut up bacon
4 potatoes cut in small cubes (I use regular russet)
1/2 of a white onion minced
32oz of beef stock (depending on how thick or thin you want it)
8oz of cream
1 can of cream of ? I like to use mushroom or potato for this soup
1 tbls of black pepper
2 tbls of salt
2 tbls of garlic


You will need a large soup pot.

Instructions:
1. Place the pot on a medium heat.
2. Put in bacon and cook until soft. Make sure to stir so that nothing sticks to the bottom of the pot.
3. Next goes in the onions and cook til they are clear
4. Put in the stew meat and the seasonings. Then cook until stew meat is almost cooked through.
5. Next go in the potatoes. Stir around to get seasonings mixed together.
6. Pour in the beef stock and cook until simmering, stirring occasionally.
7. Add soup and heat. This should take about 20 min. Check potatoes to see if they are done.
8. Turn off heat and add cream.
And It is done!!! Remember: The longer it sits the thicker it will get.


Sides to serve for the Kiddies!!!
Shredded cheese
Sour cream
Bacon bits
Chives
Minced green onions

This also makes a great Bread Bowl Soup recipe.

The curse of the Powdered Donut

I went to the grocery store this morning to get everything I needed for potato soup and my 4 yr old decided she wanted powdered donuts for breakfast and a lunchable for lunch. I went ahead and bought them because I was taking her to the babysitters while I am at school this afternoon and she needed a portable lunch.

We get home and what does she do............. she starts to open the lunchable for breakfast.......... ?????

I then tried to convince her to eat the donuts for breakfast. (I know, not the best breakfast but I need to study and don't have time to cook the eggs and toast that I would normally cook.) This is our conversation.......

Her: Momma I want my lunchable not donuts!

Me: Well you wanted the powdered donuts so I bought them. The lunchable is for your lunch at Nana's.

Her: I DON'T WANNA GO TO NANA'S!!!!............ Will you feed me?

Me: Hunny, you are a big girl and don't need me to feed you.

Her: BUT I DON'T WANNA!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: The donuts are on the table if you want them. I am not going to make anything else. You wanted them, you will eat them.

Her: FINE!!! gggggggrrrrrrrrr!!!! You are the meanest Momma EVER!!!!!!

Me: I Love You Too!!

I give her baby sister a donut and about that time she acts all protective and starts to scarf the donuts down.......... hehehehe!!! If they don't wanna eat it after they have begged for it, just give it to someone else and they don't want anyone else to have it!! I just Love my girls!!

My day of Puke

I know this will make a few people laugh to know what I went through this week.

Over the weekend my Son went for a Birthday trip with his Emme to Amarillo to go shopping and to eat out. While in the dollar tree he barely misses a lady's shoes as he pukes on the floor. He gets home and just feels like poo. Doesn't eat dinner but still he wakes up in the middle of the night throwing up. So, I keep him home from school on Monday just to make sure he is feeling better and everything seems like it is going good. I go to school that night and call to check in with the hubby............ Lizzy is now throwing up.......... Lovely!!

Lizzy goes to bed sick as a dog and we put the baby monitor in the bathroom so that I can hear if anyone gets sick. Of course we hear someone get sick. So Hubby wakes up to check and sure enough it is Ciera in the bathroom now.......... Wait, it gets better........

Ciera stays home and Dallas and Hayle go to school.

My Hubby's truck won't start, so he takes my van and I am left with out a car. I call my mother-in-law to ask if she can pick up some soup, sprite and crackers for the girls. About this time I get a call from the school, Hayle is now throwing up at school.......... hehehehe....... it gets better.......... if you are keeping count that is 3 girls all trowing up in my house. Are you laughing at me yet?

Hubby picks Hayle up from school and asks me to call a dentist for him cause he needs to get a tooth pulled. Needless to say I tell him that he has a finger and can make the phone call himself since I am busy taking care of sick kids.

I then spend the next 2 hours  Lysoling, bleaching, and washing everything in the house. The baby is still doing good. I was trying to keep her quarantined so that she wouldn't get it too!! I gave her a bottle and she fell asleep as I made the girls some soup. As the girls finished eating the baby wakes up PROJECTILE VOMITING all in her playpen............ it gets better!!

So as I am running to the bathroom to hop in the shower with the baby because I am completely covered with throw up, Hayle and Ciera both start to throw up........... GREAT!!!!!!

The girls lay down for a nap after I give them some finergan. The entire time they are asleep I go through about 4 towels and finally get the baby to sleep with no real messes made. I emailed my teacher letting her know that I will not be in class and get assignments emailed to me. I lay down in bed with the baby hoping to get at least 30 min of sleep before the girls wake up and my son gets home from school. I actually get an hour cause my son gets off the bus, comes in, turns on the TV making sure the volume is down so he doesn't wake anyone up, and just chills in the big chair enjoying the peace and quiet of his sisters being asleep.........

That night was not really eventful except that the kids were feeling good enough to jump on their brothers bed with him and shattered his frame.............. don't worry, they stuffed things under the bed to try and get it to look straight hoping we wouldn't notice.......... YEAH RIGHT!!!!!

That has been my week so far....... How has yours been!?!

Do You Think Me Offinsive?

Do the words that I speak upset you?

Do you read this blog to keep tabs on what I have going on in my life to try and use this against me?

I ask questions...............

I LOVE ALL MY KIDS!!! All 5 of them!!

I wish that everything is peachy and everything goes the way it should for my children. Hayle made the Quest honor roll. (93.2 GPA) Ciera is reading SO GOOD!!! Dallas is just so happy to learn anything new. Lizzy knows how to count in Spanish. Abbigail is standing and saying her first words. But one thing that my 3 Step children need is their Mother. I want them to have that. Does that make me a bad Step Mother for wanting their biological mother to help and step it up.

I guess what would make me a bad step mother is that I have high expectations for people and believe that everyone is able to make their lives better. I guess I should not think that about some people. I guess I should not tell all my children that no matter what happens, if a door shuts and window always opens. Because if I do that, they might think badly of someone.

If you don't like what I have to say or how I feel........... bring it up with me. Or you can resist the urge to look at my blog and mind your own business!! Peace Out, Sweet Dreams, and All that Jazz. My Blog is for me to express myself, not to make you happy!!

Welcome to Wonderland

I am having a very hard time lately with how I should approach a conversation with my husbands Ex and the mother of my step children. She hardly ever sees them, Never takes them for a weekend, and thinks that coming over to MY house to visit with the kids for 30 min 2 days a week is good parenting. Hayle cries cause she wants her mother to pick her up from school and just spend time with them.

 Their mother does not have a job, does not pay child support, and really has no excuse for NOT acting like a mother. If she thinks just staying away is good parenting than she just needs to sign over her rights. I hate having to comfort the kids because she can't step it up a little. I don't like to see them hurt and cry!!

I think she should go for her GED, but she says that she just can't pass the test cause she didn't 7 yrs ago when she took it last. HELLO...... you had kids running around. I know how hard it is to study with kids running around. But now she is not doing anything so why not use her time, that she doesn't use on her kids, to make her life better.

These are all questions that I want to bring up to her but How to do it, I don't know?!? Welcome to MY Wonderland!!

Color of the Day and Quotes of a 4 yr old!!

The color of the Day is red and was brought to you by Omnicef. The wonderful Antibiotic that the ER doctor prescribed my 7 month old and this just happens to be the 3rd one in 3 weeks. We are trying to get over a double ear infection, tonsillitis, and an upper respiratory infection. I normally read all the paperwork that comes with the medications but I had class last night and was in a rush to get to school as soon as Hubby was home. I woke up this morning to some RANK infant gas and when I changed her diaper, it was an even bigger surprise. Her poo was a reddish color. Now needless to say, I started to freak out. All my schooling started kicking in and I was thinking of every possible reason why this could happen. I couldn't find the papers that came with the medicine, called my hubby freaking out asking him what she ate while I was at school, and called the Dr. to see what she said. I was about to call the hospital ER when I found the paper work and in the first couple of lines under side effects it says, "This medicine may cause your stools to turn a reddish color, especially if you take iron products. This is harmless.". But the adrenaline is still pumping. So I have to call the Dr. back and tell them never mind. I could not breastfeed my daughter so she is on formula which had iron supplements in it................ I guess I could use this excess adrenaline to clean..........

Quote of the Day: 4yr old daughter:,"Momma, where are you going?" Me:,"To the bathroom, Watch your cartoons." Her:,"If you need help call me okay Momma!!" ME:, "Okay hun, I will." hehehehehe :)

Just a recipe that I thought I would put down for you!!

Salsa Verde:

This is my personal recipe for tomatillo salsa and it is SO good!! Not too hot, but you still get that pepper taste!!

1 dozen med sized tomatillos with paper covering off and cut in fourths
1 whole sweet yellow onion with paper covering off
6 whole garlic cloves with the outer paper skin off
2 habenero peppers with seed taken out
2 jalepeno peppers with seed taken out of 1
2 tbsp of fine sea salt
1 bunch of cilantro leaves roughly chopped

Blanch cut tomatillos (drop in boiling water and take out after a min, then move to a ice water bath)
place drained tomatillos in food processer. Cut both ends off the onion and cut the onion into forths. Place the onion, garlic, peppers, cilantro, and sea salt in the food processer. Process until mixture is smooth and no lumps. (that is how my family likes it!!) You can always add peppers or take away peppers. The same goes for the cilantro. This process should only take 30 min at the most and that includes the prep work and getting the water boiling in the pot. Great idea for baskets during the holidays!! If you wish to can for storage, you just follow the normal canning instructions! ENJOY!!!

It's not you..... It's me!!!

Have you ever wondered why the phase, "It's not you, It's me!", came about? I have. But, the more important question is have you ever heard it from a past significant other? Doesn't that phrase just get on your wrong side!! Of course it's me you idiot!! I am not the one who thinks there is something wrong. Or maybe it is you and your diluted, self-obsessed meander of who you think you are.

I haven't heard those words lately from anyone, but I was watching a movie and that was all the guy could say. Really?? Is that the best line someone could come up with. I know I am not a writer, but at least I would have to balls to tell the truth and not use those words seeing as though it has hurt so many women throughout the ages. All you would have to say is the truth and not beat around the bushes.

Maybe that is what's wrong with today's society. They think if they tell a white lie, no one will ask questions and just assume that all is going well. Maybe, politicians should just let it all out. But then again, who actually wants a politician that will tell the truth. Everyone wants some warm and fuzzy, pink bunny to tell them about the recession that we are in. Yeah, I want a guy to come out and say, "We screwed up bad. But the good news is that we learn from our mistakes and know how to fix it!". The bad part of this is that all we are getting is a politician that says they don't know what happened and they are trying to figure out how to fix the problem.

So I say to you............ It's not me, It's YOU!! This is to all the people who think they can do no wrong and their crap smells like roses. Here's you wake up call. Bullshit stinks and people make mistakes. Take pride in the mistakes that you make and maybe on day you can look back to see the lessons you have learned to pass down to your children.

Next time that you hear the phrase, "It's not you, It's me", Just stare blankly at them and say...... "your right, It is you.......... cause it can't be me!! Maybe You should work on that and when your done, don't call me. I don't do 'work-in-progress' cases!!"

School

I get to go for my advising session on the 11th of next month and am so EXCITED!!! But I have alot to think about. For one: they have a RN fast track program that I am thinking about doing. This would help me get the RN in 1 to 1 and a half years instead of 2 to 2 and a half years.

Do I really want to do this? Do I have the balls to do it? Can I balance my family with a double dose of school? I am asking myself all these questions and the hubby really doesn't seem to care which way I go......... I don't think he grasps what it would require him to do!! I don't know what kinda pressure this would put on me or my body. And as some of you know, my body hasn't really been handling stress good since the histerectomy. Oh, well!!! I will just talk to the professionals to see what they think!!

Abbigail is pulling herself up!!! YEA!!

BTW..........

I guess I treat my kids like Slaves....... Do You?

So I got the comment one day( from a person that I really don't like anyways) about how I treat my kids like slaves. I know this is coming from my husbands Ex, but whatever.

I have my kids do one chore a day and make sure to pick up after themselves. They say, 'Yes Mam/Sir' and 'No mam/sir', they always want to help out, and they love having movie nights with the parents. They think it is cool when we devote a night just to them.

I  have an excellent bond and relationship with my step-children. They might not always speak highly of me (especially when Hayle is PMS'ing and getting in trouble with her father, always my fault BTW) but that happens when they begin to get into their teenage years.

I am a good parent that wants my kids to learn responsiblility and how to care for themselves................ So my question is, When someone says that just because I don't pick up after my kids, my kids have chores (even the 4 yr old), or I want my kids to concentrate on school and not the little kids down the street, is that treating them like slaves?

I go to school, I cook supper most every night, I am a constant voice for my children, and I want them to be weel adjusted children.................... Slaves or How I was raised................. You choose! Just don't judge me if my kids are NOT the ones running up and down the isles at the local grociery store, screaming, and acting like brats!!

Venting AGAIN!!!

So it is one of those days where I have no energy, am watching the stupid Discovery Health Channel and the birthing shows (I know, not the brightest thing I have done) and then it hits me......... I want to freakin throw things about the fact that I can't have more kids, I am just so angry with the Dr's for not counseling me on the effects of my Uterine Fibroid. What did they expect........ after my first c-section that they wouldn't have to tell me what it meant, that I would just google it?!? (I was really too drugged up to care while I was in surgery, so I only remembered bits and pieces!!) The Dr acted like it was no big deal!!! And then they saw I had one on my last Sonogram with my last birth and the Sonogram tech just asked me if I knew I had one........ I of course said that I had been told during my last c-section........ Then nothing else was said about it. I never knew the only way to get rid of them was to do a hysterectomy, I was never counseled on the effects that one could have on my pregnancy, and I sure as Hell was pissed BEYOND belief when I googled about the whole mess after everything was said and done!!

And the funny thing........... I want to go write on forums about how I am feeling but everyone is talking about pregnancy or c-sections or Vbacs or Homebirths......... not healing after a hysterectomy that happened before I was ready. I feel like I don't belong. I guess all the stress from school and the constant stress that the kids give me by not listening is getting to me. Not to mention that my hormones are just now evening themselves out and I am PMS'ing for the first time since the surgery................ Did you know that sometimes I wish that since they did the surgery on April Fool's Day, I want it all to be one cruel joke............

I really want to stay in contact with the forums because I know when I start my Certified Midwife School, it will be a great resource. These women know what they are talking about when it comes to birth and all things birth-ey (is that even a word........ oh well!!). But right now it is getting to be too hard to even log on to see how the vbacers are doing! I want to be there, to help support those that can. But by doing so I am still stuck thinking about my own failure. I just hope that when I go to the Dr, they may be able to help..........

School Time is Upon Us!!

My beautiful children (three of them anyway) started back to school this week. Dallas, my little cutie and preppy boy, was so excited to go to kindergarten this year, Ciera started 1st grade (with a cut above her eye from her tripping over the crib.......... she has 2 left feet), and Hayle is now in 4th grade. She was very disappointed that she did not get to go to the new school that was just built....... that will happen next year in the 5th grade. So far we are getting into the school year groove easily........... So Far.........

I also started my classes. This semester I am taking A&P II, Medical Terminology, and Nutrition. So far, so good. The teachers seem nice and easy to talk to, hopefully that will continue through the semester. The kids are going to bed early and doing chores without arguing and I hope that it lasts at least halfway through the semester. I have to take the pre test for nursing school this semester so that I can apply in October. I know there is going to be lots of competition. I already know 5 girls that are applying this semester and we are a small campus. There is no telling how many are applying on the bigger campuses!! I guess I am just asking for prayers so that I can get in next semester........ Lots of Love and God Bless!!!

Gotta get this out!!

It is day's like today that I wish it had never happened.
That it was all a bad dream.
That I had had my baby natural.
That I was still able to breast feed.
That when Abbi cries, I could just pull down my bra and put my breast in her mouth to comfort her.

I took it forgranted with my first child Elizabeth. I quit breastfeeding after 12 weeks cause I was tired of it. Because I was depressed and thought if I got free from the burden of breastfeeding, I would start to feel better. I never started to feel better until I was pregnant again. I thought,"This time would be different."

I have gotten almost a total of 4 hours of sleep in the past 24 hours. Abbigail will sleep for about 30 min and wake up screaming cause she is teething. She doesn't want to be put down, she is not happy being carried, I am at my wits end!!! I am not super mom today. I have broken down crying almost every time she wakes up crying. It breaks my heart and I don't know what to do.

I keep thinking that if I had been able to breast feed, I would be able to comfort her.

My house is a wreck, my laundry isn't done, I am expected to go out with my friends tonight for my birthday, and all I want to do is sleep when my husband gets home.

So here I am typing on the computer, while my 5 month old daughter screams cause I have hit a wall, I need to calm down, I just need to know that I am not alone...............

What you didn't know......

Okay so this blog is to get some stuff off my chest because I have been dealing with some anxiety since my c-section. So I want to get my story out there. I know it probably could not be avoided, but I am tired of thinking about the what if's. I need to come to terms with what happened.............

My Mother came into town on the 7th of March, 2010.  I had been having prodominal labor for about a week now and was already getting the over due talk from the Dr.'s. My blood pressure was good, the baby was great, but I still felt like something was wrong. During a Biophysical sonogram the tech found a large Uterine fibroid sitting on the top of my uterus. They were a little concerned but not too concerned about it since I had the same one on my Uterus when I had Elizabeth over 3 yrs earlier.

The contractions that I was having actually hurt and were not like the braxton hicks that I had been having. So I started to think that maybe my body was getting ready for Abbi's birth, but in the back of my mind I was having doubts. For some reason they didn't feel right.......... And then that Tuesday the contractions did not go away. So we made our way to the hospital. I had a great medical team and I knew my comfort level would go up if I was there with them. I wanted an Epidural as soon as I could get one because I knew that my body fights against the contractions. It was what happened with my first birth. Instead of relaxing and letting the wave pass over me, I would fight with it. We got to the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitors. I was thinking that they were gonna be off the charts since they hurt worse than the pitocin contractions that I had felt before, but no......... they were little contractions that didn't even register. The Dr.'s told me they were still willing to wait for my Trial of Labor but that the Fibroid might be causing problems for my Uterus when it tries to contract. I talked it over with my Mom and knew that if I waited and the fibroid caused me to have a c-section, I would not have any help because she would be going home in a little over a week. I really wanted the vaginal birth of my dreams, but I just did not see it in my future. The contractions did not feel right. It felt like my body was fighting with them and I was only dilated to a 1. I walked around for a little bit and then decided to go ahead and schedule the c-section for the next day. Something did not feel right and I am glad that I listened.

We showed up for surgery about 6 am (which the Dr told us to but we were not even scheduled until 10am). So we got to go back for surgery first instead of waiting......... I felt better not being wheeled into surgery. I walked to the room, they let me get myself comfortable, and lets just talk about the anesthesiologist......... He was absolutely GREAT!!! My first epidural took 30 min to place and 3 pokes........... he had that thing in place before I even knew it. I layed down and was having conversations with everyone. They were all admiring my tattoos and asking questions. They were treating me like a person and not a piece of meat to cut open. This c-section was gonna be different............. and it was. Abbigail Jolee Gipson was born at 8:05am on the 10th day of March in the year of 2010. They held her over the sheet and I cried. The nursery table was on the right of me so I could watch them as they wiped her off. Jarod went over to get a better look at her and told me that she looked like me. (which is funny since EVERY SINGLE one of his kids look JUST like him) Jarod got to carry Abbi down to the small nursery area where they weigh and measure her. The Dr's let me know that the uterine fibroid was about the size of a grapefruit and that they were surprised that I didn't have any problems with it earlier. (but I was too drugged up to ask them to remove it........ that is the one mistake that I wish I could go back and change.) I was then taken to recovery where Abbigail was waiting for me to breast feed her......... I was so happy!!

The next couple of days were easy. Abbigail took to nursing like a champ, my pain management was good, and everyone was so happy that she was here. We went home after 2 days in the hospital on a Friday afternoon. I was walking and I was so happy that this surgery was SO much better than the last. The final day in the hospital I stood up and had just a pool of blood ruin my brand new PJ's.......... the student nurse that was helping to take care of me told me that she was gonna get the nurse because that didn't seem like it should happen. My nurse ignored her nursing student and told her it happens all the time. It was not charted and I was sent home with my baby. We were home about an hour later. Lizzy and Dallas were waiting on us with my Mom. My other kids were in school and would be home in about 3 hours. I sat in my chair to eat a grilled cheese that my Mom cooked me, joking with her and my husband as my baby slept in her bassinet. Then I had a huge clot about the size of a baseball come out (ruining another pair of PJ's). I went to the bathroom and called my Dr as I passed 2 more the exact same size. We were told to go to our hospital in town because I was hemorrhaging. We get there and I am the only patient in the ER. We waited for 3 hours, 4 pads, and a nap later before my husband went out to the nurses station to cuss them out. I guess I had turned a couple of shades of white and no one had noticed. The Dr came in and drew my blood, I was rushed down to radiology for a sonogram or ultrasound (everything is very fussy at this point), I don't even remember coming back to the room where the Dr told me that we could stay there and get blood (small hospital, not my Dr's, no thanks!!), or I could get transfered by ambulance to the hospital I was just discharged from. I wanted my Dr's! So we were then transfered and my mind is blank on the details Except that I was on oxygen but the EMT's never turned it on (I guess it was a good thing that I didn't need it!!).

My husband and father-in-law followed the ambulance and was there when I was being put in the trauma room. Abbigail was still asleep in her carrier through the entire stay in the ER. The ER doc examined me and then my Dr's came down to examine me. I had no pain medicine. They then manually removed 2 more clots and that is one thing I do remember. I screamed, cried, and begged them to stop. My husband was there holding my hands fighting back tear of his own. He said that I scared him cause he had never heard anything like that before. After they got done, a black man came to the door and told them that there was a white woman out front that wanted to come back and that she was scaring him............. My Mom had made it!! My mother-in-law went to stay with the kids so my Mom could come. My Mom does  get a little scary sometimes I guess! They transfered me to a room where they put me on pitocin, to help my uterus clamp down, and started to give me blood. It was a very bad night. But my husband says that it was a good thing that I can't remember it. He called my best friend Jay and told him what happened, so he drove to Amarillo.......... I can't even remember him being there. My memory gets a little unfuzzy in the evening on the next day. I told the nurse that I needed to get out of bed and I wanted the catheter removed. I stoped taking the pain meds every 2 hours and resumed the hydrocodones from my surgery. I started to get up and walk, got some food, and got to breast feed Abbigail for the first time in over 12 hours. They had been giving her formula for the time I was out of it. The nurses were amazed that I was up, but I could not lay down in bed any longer. Abbigail was so happy to have her boobies back!!

I was scheduled to be released the next Monday but that Sunday I spiked a fever. I had several veins blow from so many fluids being pushed. I took shots in the butt for 2 days. My brother-in-law worked in the surgery area of the hospital and had some really good connections. They sent up an anesthesiologist to get a line put in so they could give me some stronger antibiotics. By Thursday of that week my fever had pretty well disappeared and I was sent home that Friday.

 During the weekend I started to run a fever again and they set me up an appointment for the next week. I went to the appointment and they thought I had another blood clot so they tried to remove it. When they couldn't remove it and I was on the table screaming and crying, they decided to admit me into the hospital again. My friend Jay was in the waiting area asking about me since I had been in the back for a good 3 hours at this point. He took me across the street to the hospital and helped me with Abbigail until Jarod could make it to the hospital that night. I was then given more antibiotics by IV that had to be placed by an anesthesiologist again! I was so tired of being poked and prodded. I was just plain tired of being in the hospital. The new IV blew by the morning time and I was taken down to radiology for a PICC line to be placed. I was taken back to surgery for an exploratory pelvic exam under anesthesia. I guess they were tired of holing me down during the exams in the office!! They found that the blockage that they were trying to remove in the office was actually my cervix. It was swollen and infected. No wonder it would not come out!! I went home again on a Friday, this time with antibiotics.

They next Monday I went to use the bathroom and had something start to come out of my vagina. ( I know, TMI! But this is what happened) I called the on call doctors and they said that since I wasn't bleeding any differently that I could take my time and didn't have to come in right away. I got to stay at home one more night with my husband and had my preachers wife take me in the morning. My girl friend was driving in from New Mexico and would be there later that morning to stay with me. I wanted to keep Abbigail with me at all times. I had her with me during every stay in the hospital. I was wanting to breastfeed her and was determined to keep doing it. We went to the hospital where they told me that my uterus had prolapsed and they needed to do a hysterectomy. As I entered my room again, I had 2 doctors, 2 anesthesiologists, and 2 nurses waiting on me. They then placed a central line in my chest and gave me 2 more units of blood so that I could have the surgery on that Thursday. I had catheters placed in my ureters for the surgery so that they would not damage them. They removed my uterus and the fibroid. When I woke up I was in horrible pain. All night I hurt worse than anything I had ever experienced. I kept telling the nurse that I had to use the bathroom and that is when she noticed that my bag was empty. She shook it and I had a clot blocking it. She emptied my bag twice. I went home again on a Friday.

All together, I stayed 21 out of 26 days in the hospital, I got 10 blood transfusions, and I could not breast feed anymore. When they give you blood, they give you benadryl.  Benadryl drys out your milk supply. I milked myself every 2 hours trying to get the supply back up but never could get it back. I was broken and I had lost the one thing that was going to give Abbigail and me our bonding time!! I now have PTSD and anxiety issues. I am going to school full time. I plan to be a nurse. I apply for nursing school this fall. I plan to work as a labor and delivery nurse and/or post pardum nurse. Once my kids are able to take care of themselves, I was thinking about going in and becoming a certified nurse midwife. I want to be there for women so that they have someone that understands what they are going through!

Abbigail Jolee Gipson was born on 3/10/2010  at 8:05 in the morning by c-section. She weighed 6 lbs 9 oz. and was 19 and 1/2 inches long. She was the perfect baby to complete our family. 

                                                          

New to the Blog Scene

I have to say, I am a woman that will stay up all night with a sick kid and hope that my husband helps out a little in the morning. I don't wait for the rain to stop before heading out to the store. If the laundry isn't done or the kids go without a bath for a day, the world doesn't quit spinning. My kids watch TV and I vaccinate....... does that make me a bad Mom.......... NO!!  I had c-sections with both of my kids........ does that make me less of a woman........ NO!!! I married my best friend and father of my baby (yes, she was an out of wedlock child), I took his 3 from a previous marrage when their mother could not take care of them and treated them like they were my own! They are my children too!! No one can tell me differently! I stayed up holding them when they were sad and I still pick up the pieces when their mother is acting like a child (which is very often). If what I say offends you......... It is what I am thinking at the time and not directed at you!!

 But on Mother's day and my birthday....... I am a SPOILED Mom who thinks everything should be about me........ I give to everyone, everyday, do everything, everyway........... I am just trying to stay me while raising 5 kids, keeping a clean house ( yeah right....... 5 kids remember ), going to school full time ( I start nusing school in the Spring 2011), and making sure that everyone gets what they need.

Many people have a view of stay at home Moms as this perfect little house wife that has everything done for the family and still have time to sit down to watch the shows with the family............ Yeah, that is not me......... I really don't have TV time except for when something in the house is not getting done.

This is me........ My blog will be about my everyday life, my PTSD, my fears as a Mom, my rants, my pity parties, my soap box speeches, and (if that didn't scare you off) my post histerectomy life. I just want to get what I am thinking out and hope that someone gets what I am saying!!