It is day's like today that I wish it had never happened.
That it was all a bad dream.
That I had had my baby natural.
That I was still able to breast feed.
That when Abbi cries, I could just pull down my bra and put my breast in her mouth to comfort her.
I took it forgranted with my first child Elizabeth. I quit breastfeeding after 12 weeks cause I was tired of it. Because I was depressed and thought if I got free from the burden of breastfeeding, I would start to feel better. I never started to feel better until I was pregnant again. I thought,"This time would be different."
I have gotten almost a total of 4 hours of sleep in the past 24 hours. Abbigail will sleep for about 30 min and wake up screaming cause she is teething. She doesn't want to be put down, she is not happy being carried, I am at my wits end!!! I am not super mom today. I have broken down crying almost every time she wakes up crying. It breaks my heart and I don't know what to do.
I keep thinking that if I had been able to breast feed, I would be able to comfort her.
My house is a wreck, my laundry isn't done, I am expected to go out with my friends tonight for my birthday, and all I want to do is sleep when my husband gets home.
So here I am typing on the computer, while my 5 month old daughter screams cause I have hit a wall, I need to calm down, I just need to know that I am not alone...............
There were 4 kids screaming while I typed my "diary" and sipped my root beer float because I hit that same type of wall...sweetheart you are NOT alone, never are, never will be. your ICAN friends "get" you feel free to break, lyrics from a favorite song of my: "There's no such thing as perfect people, there's no such thing as the perfect life so come as you are BROKEN AND SCARRED and lift up your heart and be amazed, be changed by a perfect God"! Be encouraged! And Abbi will bust out a few teeth and sleep will resume ;)
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