It's Been a While!!

So it has been a while since I have written my feelings out. It has been almost 6 months since my last post ans still nothing has really changed except for the weather! Just gonna try to make it through clinicals and my nursing, then it is time to take a step back and look at my marrage. Right now I feel like we are just going through the motions and that is not what marrage is all about. Sure, we could start going to church more often but that wouldn't stop my husband from womanizing. I believe that one woman is just not enough for him. Doesn't matter that this chick is nasty, no teeth, elephant syndrome (no offense to anyone who has this) thighs, druggy......... I guess that is his type. The only reason I feel that he hasn't fessed up to his discretions, is that fact that I am a free babysitter for his first 3 children and he knows that I will be moving 8 hours away. He is a great father, just a crappy husband.

I start clinicals in nursing school in 4 weeks and I am so excited. I will get to do shots, administer medications, do physical health assessments....... all that Jazz!!! This is what I am working toward and it is gonna be awesome to graduate and be able to hold my own!! So until next time...... I think my rant is over for the evening!!

My Life is Turning to Crap

Well........ what do you do if you are still seeing that chicks number come up on your husbands phone? He says that he told her not to text anymore......... but that still has not stopped her. He won't just be mean and tell her off. He won't tell her that she is ruining his marrage.......... I don't want to sound selfish, but would it be too much to ask for him to change his number or block hers. He thinks that it is too much to ask. I guess I am just gonna be stuck in a unhappy marrage for the next 2 years just so I can finish school. I am gonna have to start making an exit strategy!! Any Ideas???

Nursing and Life

Well..... I got into the nursing school and have been using the last few months to get caught up on imunizations and all that junk. I did not get to my goal weight by my birthday but I haven't gained any back either. So really I accomplished nothing this summer besides not going on a shooting spree. I did get my prescription for my anxiety and will probably continue it through the semester.

I almost got a divorce and am now wondering if I made the right decision. I don't know how to trust him anymore. And all the promises that he said that he would do, well, those were just empty promises. I don't know what to do. His mother told me that I should just kick him out and make him pay for everything while I am finishing my school. I just don't think I have the balls to do it. How do you talk about something like that when you are gonna have to rely on them so much for the next 2 years?!?

If it goes badly, I might not be able to hold onto my dream....... Which really SUX!!!

Sometimes I wish there was a night in shining armor. Where ever you are, please come a rescue me.......... make all this bad crap go away........... oh, and can you be wealthy so I can finish going to school............ Just a thought!!!!

Continuing My Weight Loss............

I have been working out every day this week and I am feeling great. I haven't been sore at all!!! I am not ready to see if any of my size 16s fit yet but I think I might give it a try next week.

Still haven't found the camara yet but I might actually start looking for it over the weekend. I know everyone is SO excited to see my fat ass!!!

I will be finding out if I got into nursing on Saturday or Monday........... I will keep you posted!!

                                                                                            Hugs and Crayons~ Heather

Big Fat Transformation...... I hope!!

I have been working out about 4 times a week on my XBOX hoping that I drop 50 lbs by the end of summer. My starting weight is 245lbs. I want to be below 200lbs by the time I turn 29 on my birthday. No starvation diets. Only portion control and working out. My workout of choice has been the Zumba for the XBOX. I have only dropped 5 lbs in 2 weeks but my endurance levels are so much higher than what they were. I will be doing the 45 min workouts very soon.

I would post a picture, but my fat ass lost the camara. (Probably a my mind playing tricks on me again!!)

I will put my kids to work finding the camara right now and will keep you posted on my progress. I don't know if I want to put all my life out there for everyone to see, but I am thinking about turning this into a daily workout and food blog.............. That might keep things interesting!!

Mother's Day

With Mother's Day fast approaching I realized that I haven't blogged in a while. Between school, the kids, and DRAMA, there isn't even enough time in the day to sleep. 

When I got on Facebook today, I saw that one of my classmates had lost her mother last night. Everyone is changing their facebook photo to one of there Mom............. I want to be able to celebrate my Mom everyday!! We don't do that enough. So today is my "I Love You Momma" Day. You never know when you might pick up the phone and your Mom might not be there to 'make it all better'.

I Love You Momma and all that you do for me!!

Here is a picture of my Momma and my oldest Hayle!!!

Whats the Deal

So, you get to connect with people on these Internet sites like Facebook and Myspace........ okay, mostly facebook, and these people say how they have changed, found God, and such. But only to find out that when you read an interesting post about life and decide to make a comment about your own life changing experiences, you are a complete airhead that didn't get it at all. Maybe it is my lack of sleep, or the fact that my fingers still work to type this blog, but my feelings are a little hurt. I have come to the realization that a person can tell me they are changed and it can be compared to farting in the wind unless they can show me. Not by being hurtful in their comments but by explaining their message. I am not a deep person, I wear my feelings on my shoulder where everyone knows what I am thinking. I explain because no one can read minds. And just because I like to cook, comparing my comment to an egg salad while you compair your post to football is a bit juvenile. I miss my family and friends back home. This is why I like these websites. Just make sure that when you tell people you are changed, you mean it.

Being Thankful

As I sit in my living room while my turkey is in the oven, I can't help to think of my babies sleeping in their beds, my friends and family from back home, my friends and family here, and all the wonderful people that are getting up early to cook food for the needy. I have so much to be thankful for this year.

• My life........... we had a scare earlier this year.
• My wonderful husband.
• My new little baby........... almost 8 months old.
• All my beautiful children- still sleeping in their beds.
• My in-laws who are always there when we need them.
• The chance to go back to school.
• That I have a roof over my head.
• That I have food to cook for my children- even though they eat us out of house and home.
• And finally............ I am thankful for a God that allows for me to live the life that I do!!

I pray that everyone who is on the roads today are safe and drive carefully. God Bless your Family and have a Great Thanksgiving!!

Fully Loaded Baked Potato Soup- Beware: Addictive

I came up with this soup because my normal recipe did not have any meat in it and lets face it, on a cold day you want some meat in your soup too!!

Prep Time and Cooking Time: 1 hour
Remember that while you start to cook you can prep too. Or you can prep before you cook!!

Ingredients:
1 lbs of lean beef stew meat
4 pieces of cut up bacon
4 potatoes cut in small cubes (I use regular russet)
1/2 of a white onion minced
32oz of beef stock (depending on how thick or thin you want it)
8oz of cream
1 can of cream of ? I like to use mushroom or potato for this soup
1 tbls of black pepper
2 tbls of salt
2 tbls of garlic


You will need a large soup pot.

Instructions:
1. Place the pot on a medium heat.
2. Put in bacon and cook until soft. Make sure to stir so that nothing sticks to the bottom of the pot.
3. Next goes in the onions and cook til they are clear
4. Put in the stew meat and the seasonings. Then cook until stew meat is almost cooked through.
5. Next go in the potatoes. Stir around to get seasonings mixed together.
6. Pour in the beef stock and cook until simmering, stirring occasionally.
7. Add soup and heat. This should take about 20 min. Check potatoes to see if they are done.
8. Turn off heat and add cream.
And It is done!!! Remember: The longer it sits the thicker it will get.


Sides to serve for the Kiddies!!!
Shredded cheese
Sour cream
Bacon bits
Chives
Minced green onions

This also makes a great Bread Bowl Soup recipe.

The curse of the Powdered Donut

I went to the grocery store this morning to get everything I needed for potato soup and my 4 yr old decided she wanted powdered donuts for breakfast and a lunchable for lunch. I went ahead and bought them because I was taking her to the babysitters while I am at school this afternoon and she needed a portable lunch.

We get home and what does she do............. she starts to open the lunchable for breakfast.......... ?????

I then tried to convince her to eat the donuts for breakfast. (I know, not the best breakfast but I need to study and don't have time to cook the eggs and toast that I would normally cook.) This is our conversation.......

Her: Momma I want my lunchable not donuts!

Me: Well you wanted the powdered donuts so I bought them. The lunchable is for your lunch at Nana's.

Her: I DON'T WANNA GO TO NANA'S!!!!............ Will you feed me?

Me: Hunny, you are a big girl and don't need me to feed you.

Her: BUT I DON'T WANNA!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: The donuts are on the table if you want them. I am not going to make anything else. You wanted them, you will eat them.

Her: FINE!!! gggggggrrrrrrrrr!!!! You are the meanest Momma EVER!!!!!!

Me: I Love You Too!!

I give her baby sister a donut and about that time she acts all protective and starts to scarf the donuts down.......... hehehehe!!! If they don't wanna eat it after they have begged for it, just give it to someone else and they don't want anyone else to have it!! I just Love my girls!!

My day of Puke

I know this will make a few people laugh to know what I went through this week.

Over the weekend my Son went for a Birthday trip with his Emme to Amarillo to go shopping and to eat out. While in the dollar tree he barely misses a lady's shoes as he pukes on the floor. He gets home and just feels like poo. Doesn't eat dinner but still he wakes up in the middle of the night throwing up. So, I keep him home from school on Monday just to make sure he is feeling better and everything seems like it is going good. I go to school that night and call to check in with the hubby............ Lizzy is now throwing up.......... Lovely!!

Lizzy goes to bed sick as a dog and we put the baby monitor in the bathroom so that I can hear if anyone gets sick. Of course we hear someone get sick. So Hubby wakes up to check and sure enough it is Ciera in the bathroom now.......... Wait, it gets better........

Ciera stays home and Dallas and Hayle go to school.

My Hubby's truck won't start, so he takes my van and I am left with out a car. I call my mother-in-law to ask if she can pick up some soup, sprite and crackers for the girls. About this time I get a call from the school, Hayle is now throwing up at school.......... hehehehe....... it gets better.......... if you are keeping count that is 3 girls all trowing up in my house. Are you laughing at me yet?

Hubby picks Hayle up from school and asks me to call a dentist for him cause he needs to get a tooth pulled. Needless to say I tell him that he has a finger and can make the phone call himself since I am busy taking care of sick kids.

I then spend the next 2 hours  Lysoling, bleaching, and washing everything in the house. The baby is still doing good. I was trying to keep her quarantined so that she wouldn't get it too!! I gave her a bottle and she fell asleep as I made the girls some soup. As the girls finished eating the baby wakes up PROJECTILE VOMITING all in her playpen............ it gets better!!

So as I am running to the bathroom to hop in the shower with the baby because I am completely covered with throw up, Hayle and Ciera both start to throw up........... GREAT!!!!!!

The girls lay down for a nap after I give them some finergan. The entire time they are asleep I go through about 4 towels and finally get the baby to sleep with no real messes made. I emailed my teacher letting her know that I will not be in class and get assignments emailed to me. I lay down in bed with the baby hoping to get at least 30 min of sleep before the girls wake up and my son gets home from school. I actually get an hour cause my son gets off the bus, comes in, turns on the TV making sure the volume is down so he doesn't wake anyone up, and just chills in the big chair enjoying the peace and quiet of his sisters being asleep.........

That night was not really eventful except that the kids were feeling good enough to jump on their brothers bed with him and shattered his frame.............. don't worry, they stuffed things under the bed to try and get it to look straight hoping we wouldn't notice.......... YEAH RIGHT!!!!!

That has been my week so far....... How has yours been!?!

Do You Think Me Offinsive?

Do the words that I speak upset you?

Do you read this blog to keep tabs on what I have going on in my life to try and use this against me?

I ask questions...............

I LOVE ALL MY KIDS!!! All 5 of them!!

I wish that everything is peachy and everything goes the way it should for my children. Hayle made the Quest honor roll. (93.2 GPA) Ciera is reading SO GOOD!!! Dallas is just so happy to learn anything new. Lizzy knows how to count in Spanish. Abbigail is standing and saying her first words. But one thing that my 3 Step children need is their Mother. I want them to have that. Does that make me a bad Step Mother for wanting their biological mother to help and step it up.

I guess what would make me a bad step mother is that I have high expectations for people and believe that everyone is able to make their lives better. I guess I should not think that about some people. I guess I should not tell all my children that no matter what happens, if a door shuts and window always opens. Because if I do that, they might think badly of someone.

If you don't like what I have to say or how I feel........... bring it up with me. Or you can resist the urge to look at my blog and mind your own business!! Peace Out, Sweet Dreams, and All that Jazz. My Blog is for me to express myself, not to make you happy!!

Welcome to Wonderland

I am having a very hard time lately with how I should approach a conversation with my husbands Ex and the mother of my step children. She hardly ever sees them, Never takes them for a weekend, and thinks that coming over to MY house to visit with the kids for 30 min 2 days a week is good parenting. Hayle cries cause she wants her mother to pick her up from school and just spend time with them.

 Their mother does not have a job, does not pay child support, and really has no excuse for NOT acting like a mother. If she thinks just staying away is good parenting than she just needs to sign over her rights. I hate having to comfort the kids because she can't step it up a little. I don't like to see them hurt and cry!!

I think she should go for her GED, but she says that she just can't pass the test cause she didn't 7 yrs ago when she took it last. HELLO...... you had kids running around. I know how hard it is to study with kids running around. But now she is not doing anything so why not use her time, that she doesn't use on her kids, to make her life better.

These are all questions that I want to bring up to her but How to do it, I don't know?!? Welcome to MY Wonderland!!

Color of the Day and Quotes of a 4 yr old!!

The color of the Day is red and was brought to you by Omnicef. The wonderful Antibiotic that the ER doctor prescribed my 7 month old and this just happens to be the 3rd one in 3 weeks. We are trying to get over a double ear infection, tonsillitis, and an upper respiratory infection. I normally read all the paperwork that comes with the medications but I had class last night and was in a rush to get to school as soon as Hubby was home. I woke up this morning to some RANK infant gas and when I changed her diaper, it was an even bigger surprise. Her poo was a reddish color. Now needless to say, I started to freak out. All my schooling started kicking in and I was thinking of every possible reason why this could happen. I couldn't find the papers that came with the medicine, called my hubby freaking out asking him what she ate while I was at school, and called the Dr. to see what she said. I was about to call the hospital ER when I found the paper work and in the first couple of lines under side effects it says, "This medicine may cause your stools to turn a reddish color, especially if you take iron products. This is harmless.". But the adrenaline is still pumping. So I have to call the Dr. back and tell them never mind. I could not breastfeed my daughter so she is on formula which had iron supplements in it................ I guess I could use this excess adrenaline to clean..........

Quote of the Day: 4yr old daughter:,"Momma, where are you going?" Me:,"To the bathroom, Watch your cartoons." Her:,"If you need help call me okay Momma!!" ME:, "Okay hun, I will." hehehehehe :)

Just a recipe that I thought I would put down for you!!

Salsa Verde:

This is my personal recipe for tomatillo salsa and it is SO good!! Not too hot, but you still get that pepper taste!!

1 dozen med sized tomatillos with paper covering off and cut in fourths
1 whole sweet yellow onion with paper covering off
6 whole garlic cloves with the outer paper skin off
2 habenero peppers with seed taken out
2 jalepeno peppers with seed taken out of 1
2 tbsp of fine sea salt
1 bunch of cilantro leaves roughly chopped

Blanch cut tomatillos (drop in boiling water and take out after a min, then move to a ice water bath)
place drained tomatillos in food processer. Cut both ends off the onion and cut the onion into forths. Place the onion, garlic, peppers, cilantro, and sea salt in the food processer. Process until mixture is smooth and no lumps. (that is how my family likes it!!) You can always add peppers or take away peppers. The same goes for the cilantro. This process should only take 30 min at the most and that includes the prep work and getting the water boiling in the pot. Great idea for baskets during the holidays!! If you wish to can for storage, you just follow the normal canning instructions! ENJOY!!!

It's not you..... It's me!!!

Have you ever wondered why the phase, "It's not you, It's me!", came about? I have. But, the more important question is have you ever heard it from a past significant other? Doesn't that phrase just get on your wrong side!! Of course it's me you idiot!! I am not the one who thinks there is something wrong. Or maybe it is you and your diluted, self-obsessed meander of who you think you are.

I haven't heard those words lately from anyone, but I was watching a movie and that was all the guy could say. Really?? Is that the best line someone could come up with. I know I am not a writer, but at least I would have to balls to tell the truth and not use those words seeing as though it has hurt so many women throughout the ages. All you would have to say is the truth and not beat around the bushes.

Maybe that is what's wrong with today's society. They think if they tell a white lie, no one will ask questions and just assume that all is going well. Maybe, politicians should just let it all out. But then again, who actually wants a politician that will tell the truth. Everyone wants some warm and fuzzy, pink bunny to tell them about the recession that we are in. Yeah, I want a guy to come out and say, "We screwed up bad. But the good news is that we learn from our mistakes and know how to fix it!". The bad part of this is that all we are getting is a politician that says they don't know what happened and they are trying to figure out how to fix the problem.

So I say to you............ It's not me, It's YOU!! This is to all the people who think they can do no wrong and their crap smells like roses. Here's you wake up call. Bullshit stinks and people make mistakes. Take pride in the mistakes that you make and maybe on day you can look back to see the lessons you have learned to pass down to your children.

Next time that you hear the phrase, "It's not you, It's me", Just stare blankly at them and say...... "your right, It is you.......... cause it can't be me!! Maybe You should work on that and when your done, don't call me. I don't do 'work-in-progress' cases!!"

School

I get to go for my advising session on the 11th of next month and am so EXCITED!!! But I have alot to think about. For one: they have a RN fast track program that I am thinking about doing. This would help me get the RN in 1 to 1 and a half years instead of 2 to 2 and a half years.

Do I really want to do this? Do I have the balls to do it? Can I balance my family with a double dose of school? I am asking myself all these questions and the hubby really doesn't seem to care which way I go......... I don't think he grasps what it would require him to do!! I don't know what kinda pressure this would put on me or my body. And as some of you know, my body hasn't really been handling stress good since the histerectomy. Oh, well!!! I will just talk to the professionals to see what they think!!

Abbigail is pulling herself up!!! YEA!!

BTW..........

I guess I treat my kids like Slaves....... Do You?

So I got the comment one day( from a person that I really don't like anyways) about how I treat my kids like slaves. I know this is coming from my husbands Ex, but whatever.

I have my kids do one chore a day and make sure to pick up after themselves. They say, 'Yes Mam/Sir' and 'No mam/sir', they always want to help out, and they love having movie nights with the parents. They think it is cool when we devote a night just to them.

I  have an excellent bond and relationship with my step-children. They might not always speak highly of me (especially when Hayle is PMS'ing and getting in trouble with her father, always my fault BTW) but that happens when they begin to get into their teenage years.

I am a good parent that wants my kids to learn responsiblility and how to care for themselves................ So my question is, When someone says that just because I don't pick up after my kids, my kids have chores (even the 4 yr old), or I want my kids to concentrate on school and not the little kids down the street, is that treating them like slaves?

I go to school, I cook supper most every night, I am a constant voice for my children, and I want them to be weel adjusted children.................... Slaves or How I was raised................. You choose! Just don't judge me if my kids are NOT the ones running up and down the isles at the local grociery store, screaming, and acting like brats!!

Venting AGAIN!!!

So it is one of those days where I have no energy, am watching the stupid Discovery Health Channel and the birthing shows (I know, not the brightest thing I have done) and then it hits me......... I want to freakin throw things about the fact that I can't have more kids, I am just so angry with the Dr's for not counseling me on the effects of my Uterine Fibroid. What did they expect........ after my first c-section that they wouldn't have to tell me what it meant, that I would just google it?!? (I was really too drugged up to care while I was in surgery, so I only remembered bits and pieces!!) The Dr acted like it was no big deal!!! And then they saw I had one on my last Sonogram with my last birth and the Sonogram tech just asked me if I knew I had one........ I of course said that I had been told during my last c-section........ Then nothing else was said about it. I never knew the only way to get rid of them was to do a hysterectomy, I was never counseled on the effects that one could have on my pregnancy, and I sure as Hell was pissed BEYOND belief when I googled about the whole mess after everything was said and done!!

And the funny thing........... I want to go write on forums about how I am feeling but everyone is talking about pregnancy or c-sections or Vbacs or Homebirths......... not healing after a hysterectomy that happened before I was ready. I feel like I don't belong. I guess all the stress from school and the constant stress that the kids give me by not listening is getting to me. Not to mention that my hormones are just now evening themselves out and I am PMS'ing for the first time since the surgery................ Did you know that sometimes I wish that since they did the surgery on April Fool's Day, I want it all to be one cruel joke............

I really want to stay in contact with the forums because I know when I start my Certified Midwife School, it will be a great resource. These women know what they are talking about when it comes to birth and all things birth-ey (is that even a word........ oh well!!). But right now it is getting to be too hard to even log on to see how the vbacers are doing! I want to be there, to help support those that can. But by doing so I am still stuck thinking about my own failure. I just hope that when I go to the Dr, they may be able to help..........

School Time is Upon Us!!

My beautiful children (three of them anyway) started back to school this week. Dallas, my little cutie and preppy boy, was so excited to go to kindergarten this year, Ciera started 1st grade (with a cut above her eye from her tripping over the crib.......... she has 2 left feet), and Hayle is now in 4th grade. She was very disappointed that she did not get to go to the new school that was just built....... that will happen next year in the 5th grade. So far we are getting into the school year groove easily........... So Far.........

I also started my classes. This semester I am taking A&P II, Medical Terminology, and Nutrition. So far, so good. The teachers seem nice and easy to talk to, hopefully that will continue through the semester. The kids are going to bed early and doing chores without arguing and I hope that it lasts at least halfway through the semester. I have to take the pre test for nursing school this semester so that I can apply in October. I know there is going to be lots of competition. I already know 5 girls that are applying this semester and we are a small campus. There is no telling how many are applying on the bigger campuses!! I guess I am just asking for prayers so that I can get in next semester........ Lots of Love and God Bless!!!